All of sudden the scenery changed. The house vanished before his eyes. In an instant, the hurt and numb feeling within his body was gone. He didn't know if he should be thankful for that or not. He didn't have time to think about it, this new situation needed all his attention.

The place he was in was completely foreign to him. Thick swaths of mist shrouded the ground at his feet. There was no noise, the only sound was the one of his own breathing.
He looked around. To his left he could see a small wooded area. In front of the trees there was a surprisingly inviting looking bench.

The grove looked like as if it was placed there out of the blue. In each other direction he looked, there was a vacuum. The whole rest of the area was covered in a pale gray shimmer and this endless mist. No rising, no rocks, no plants, no buildings - nothing. As much as he strained he could not see anything else.

Despite these unfriendly looking surroundings, there was a certain tranquility over this place. Something Kermit could not put in words.

A shiver ran down his spine. As peaceful as it felt, he could not overcome his suspicious nature. In one smooth motion he pulled out the Eagle. At least one familiar touch in that unfamiliar world.

A tall, handsome looking figure emerged between the trees.
"I don't think you need a weapon here. It's a place of peace, not one of war."

Kermit's mouth gaped open. It was seldom someone could take him by surprise but this was one of the times. He simply could not believe it. His shocked look said it all.

"D.. David?" he stuttered.

"Yes, in flesh and blood."

Kermit shook his head and lowered his gun, but he was far away from putting it back into the holster.

"You're dead!"

"Yes."

"No, that doesn't happen."

"It does."

"You're not real!"

"I am."

Kermit didn't say another word. He glared at the young man still not convinced of what he saw. David took a couple of steps forward till he stood just a few inches from Kermit.

"I can assure you I'm real, even if I am dead. You can touch me. I would like to hug my brother. It's been a long time since I've done that," the person with David's eyes, David's voice and David's appearance said.

"Don't you dare," Kermit growled and lifted the Eagle slightly.

"Man, you are as suspicious as ever," David exclaimed and threw up his hands.

This motion caused Kermit to step back, he aimed the weapon at David.

All David did was grin.
"Did nobody tell you, you can't shoot an already dead person?"

Kermit exhaled deeply and decided to change the subject before he lost his mind completely.

"Where are we?"

"Well, it's not easy to explain. Just see it as another plane of existence."

That did it. Kermit exploded in a wave of red, hot anger. He bridged the last inches between them, and pressed the Eagle against the throat of David's manifestation.

"Listen you SOB, you can do what you want, I will NEVER believe you. NOBODY can raise from the dead, least of all my brother. I want to know what kind of game you're playing, and I want to know NOW. Who's behind this? Don't you dare toy any longer with me, or I will rip out your heart with my bare hands and feed it to the wolves!" he growled in his most dangerous voice which would make even Attila the Hun shiver.

David didn't even flinch, there was not a hint of fear in his eyes. All that happened was that his grin got wider. Now he smiled openly at Kermit.

"I told you before you can't kill a dead person. Why is it so hard for you to accept? Don't you realize that it's one of the reasons why your life is so complicated? You never could accept anything about mystical stuff. One time you told me you only believe what you see with your own eyes. Now I ask you to believe. I am here, I am standing in front of you, you can touch me, you can smell me, you see me with your own eyes. Believe, Ker."

'Believe it,' a faint voice which sounded like the voice of the Ancient whispered simultaneously inside his head. Kermit jerked. He was not used to hearing voices in his mind, it was a much to dangerous and dark place for someone else to be around.

Something strange happened, triggered by these two words.

Suddenly he was able to see the truth, accept the truth. This man in front of him really was David, his brother. He didn't know why, he didn't know how, but he knew it was reality. Finally he gave in and believed - at least for now.

Kermit got white as a sheet, he trembled violently then he gasped.
"Oh God, no," he whispered totally taken aback. "I.. I nearly killed you."

David let out a laugh full of joy.
"How often do I have to tell you, you can't shoot me. How about it? Do I get a hug from my older brother now?"

Kermit didn't reply, the lump in his throat was as big as a house. Instead he stretched out his arms and enfolded David in a tight embrace. Hot tears stung his eyes.

David enthusiastically returned the embrace. He could feel the shivers which raced through the body of the older man over and over again. Lovingly, he stroked his back, waiting patiently for him to calm down.

They stood there for a few minutes holding each other, comforting each other. Both enthralled in the sensation to be so close again. It was David who reluctantly loosened the contact.

"Come on, brother. Let's sit down and talk," he whispered and led Kermit to the inviting bench in front of the grove.

For long minutes there was silence. Kermit could do nothing but stare at his still smiling, and very happy looking brother. One thing was obvious: No matter where his brother now spent the aftermath of death, he was very content there. There was a peace in him that Kermit never thought his brother would have.

The wonder he had prayed for a long time seemed to happen right this minute. He simply could not understand how it was possible that a dead person was sitting directly beside him and he didn't even have a doubt that this was happening here. Immediately, he tried to absorb every inch of his brother to store it forever in his memory.

His feelings and thoughts raced with the speed of light through his body and soul. It was as if he could go through his whole life in just a few seconds. His whole body trembled from the effort of holding in his feelings. Tears of joy threatened to well up in his eyes but he refused to let them flow.

Instead he worked hard to get back his sharp mind. Somehow he knew he had no time to waste.
There was so much he wanted to tell his brother, so much to apologize for, and now he couldn't think of one single word to say.

Finally, it was David who broke the silence.

"I'm so glad we have been granted this opportunity to see each other one last time."

"Who's the one behind all this? Last time?" Kermit could not hold back the questions despite this weird situation.

David's grin got wider.

"You would not believe me if I told you who the one is who fulfilled this wish for both of us. And yes, it is the first and the last time you will see me. It's anything but easy to move around here. Without help and the great kindness of one special person I would not have been able to appear."

Kermit gulped violently. Although he believed, it was still so strange.

"That means it's not what a dead person normally does?" he tried to hide his uneasiness.

"No," David replied.
He stiffened and listened to a voice only he could hear. "Look, Ker. Our time is cut short, we will have just a few minutes more. I think there are more important things that need to be solved than a discussion about things not even dead people understand completely."

His brother was so right. Absolutely right. His attempt to put off the inevitable was over. The suppressed pain and torment of betrayal against his brother flooded back into his body. Kermit was not able to look David in the eyes. The last thing he wanted to see right now was the look of accusation on David's face.

"I… I … I am so s.. sorry, David," was all he could manage to say.
*Hell, I stutter like a school boy.*

"Why?"

The simple question startled Kermit. His head jerked upwards. Hesitatingly, his gaze traveled over David's features. He could see no sign of accusation or disgust, just one of deepest love, encouragement and peace. He took a deep breath to compose himself.

"You know why. I betrayed you, I left when you mostly needed me. Most of the time I was on a mission instead of taking care of you and Marylin. The missions were more important to me than what happened to you. I abandoned both of you, I was not aware of the hurt I inflicted to your soul. I was not there to prevent you from getting addicted to drugs, and I was not there when you died. I'm the one who is responsible for your death, it's all my fault. I never had the opportunity to tell you how sorry I am for what I've done. You must hate me. Hell, I never will forgive myself for that, how can you ever forgive me?" the words bubbled out of him.

David smiled reassuring.

"I don't hate you Kermit, never have, never will. Sometimes I ask myself if you like to be a masochist. You torment yourself so much with these unnecessary thoughts. Trust me, there is nothing you must seek forgiveness for, not from me."

Kermit jumped up the bench and started pacing back and forth. His so hard worked on composure was completely gone. His whole body, even his face, showed what he felt.

"Oh yes, I do. Davie, before I landed at this place there was another," he hesitated to search for the correct word, "vision. I saw the pain on your and Marylin's faces. The pain I inflicted and no one else!"

David shook his head.
"No. What you've seen was an event of which you thought had happened. Haven't you wondered why you couldn't get into the room? The reason is what you've seen there was your imagination, not the truth."
David took a deep breath. "I have to admit I was very angry at you that day, but the anger faded and I understood why you had to leave us."

Kermit halted in mid-stride and whirled round to face his brother. He was not so easily convinced. A bitter smile played around his lips.

"Yeah, sure, you understood. An eight year old boy understands the reason why a brother abandons him. How about a few years later? You became addicted to drugs. If I would've been with you, that would've never happened."

"I was a teenager. I did what all teenagers do, I rebelled against the world. That I took drugs was not your fault, it was part of my revolution against society. In fact, I'm the one who must beg for your forgiveness."

The words were like an unexpected blow to Kermit's stomach. He gasped.
"You? Never! It was my fault!"

David patted the place beside him and gestured Kermit to sit down. Unusual for him, Kermit complied and sat down. David took his hand and stared deeply into the eyes of his older brother. The dark glasses were not a hindrance. Kermit could feel his gaze burn deeply into his soul.

"Remember, you were the one who pulled me out of that misery. You helped me through the withdrawal, you were there for me at a time when I needed you most. Without you, I would have died as junky from an overdose on the streets. Not once have you ever let me down. Why is it so hard for you to believe?"

Kermit shook his head. He pulled his hand out of David's grip and wiped his face. The words sounded so reasonable, he was tempted to simply believe what David told him, but the tiny voice in the back of his head told him he could not give up that easily and surrender. One big guilt still laid heavy on his shoulders, it was the weight of the biggest mistake he ever made.

"But you've died out of the hands of Larson because you are my brother!" he shouted not able to restrain him any longer. Again he lowered his head. Now it was out in the open.

David's soft laugh surprised him. A large, calloused hand cupped his chin and lifted his head.

"Ker, look at me."

Very reluctantly he did. Love shone in David's eyes.

"I didn't die because of you, I died because it was my time to leave that plane of existence."

"Bullshit," Kermit replied in a hard tone. "If I wouldn't have allowed you to go to the police, Larson would've never found out about you. So IT IS MY FAULT."

David still smiled. At that moment Kermit envied him his composure. Before he could say anything else his younger brother continued,

"Why do you think I wanted to go to the police? It was because of you, Kermit. I wanted to please you. I wanted to help people like you do.
We all knew the risks of a police man. I died in the line of duty. Let me repeat myself, it was simply my time. If it hadn't have been Larson maybe it would've been a junkie on the street, or another criminal, or perhaps I would've broken my neck when I got out of bed. There was nothing you could have done to prevent this from happening."

Kermit averted his gaze and stood up. For the umpteenth time this evening his thoughts whirled in his head. Was it possible David was right? Nah, not in a hundred years.

All the pain he felt was evident in his voice when he said, "No, you're not right. I am responsible for your death. I'm so sorry David. It should've been me, not you."

Suddenly David got angry. He jumped up and with one long stride he was in font of his brother.

"You are the most stubborn man I've ever met!" he shouted. "Why can't you accept that your train of thought is completely wrong and I am right? I wish I could punch some sense into your brain, but our time together is too short to waste it for that."
A bit calmer he continued, "Please, Ker, do me the favor and believe what I've told you. It's nothing but the truth. Can't you feel it? Can't you feel how much I love you and how much I care for you?"

Kermit hesitated. Surely he could sense David's feelings as if they were his own, but he had kept his own feelings of betrayal and rejection so long inside him, that he had great difficulties in letting go. However, perhaps David forgave him, but he could not forgive himself.

It seemed David was able to read his thoughts because his next words made him shudder deeply.

"It's Christmas Time bro, the time of forgiveness and love. Forgive yourself, Kermit. That's all I wish for you - and for me."

Kermit inhaled deeply. Sadness was mirrored in his features.

"I can't Davie. I can't forgive myself for what I have done to you and many others. I will never find absolution, and you know it as well."

David locked gaze with Kermit and reached for his hands.

"You are wrong big brother. Absolution is something you only can find in yourself, not in me, not in others. I know you can't deny you have done horrible things, but these actions are the past. You live in the now, you have a future. Each person is given a second chance to change his life, and that is exactly what you've done. Just for once, pull your dark green lenses off your nose and see how the world around you is in reality. You might be surprised at what you will see."

Kermit laughed dryly, it was not a happy laugh.

"Yeah I know what I would see. A world full of betrayal, hate and mistrust. Pain and disgust in the eyes of Marilyn and all the others. Disgust of what I am, and what I have done."

"You are wrong Ker. You came in from a cold, dark world into the warmth. Now you have friends who care deeply for you. You also have a sister, a niece and a nephew who love you very much. I promise, you will never see anything like that in their eyes. What you will see is love and appreciation. All you have to do with your stubborn head is to believe. Believe in the love and care of others. Please, Ker, let them in your heart. Let your soul heal, you can do it. Just believe and let them in, that's all."

The words, spoken in such an insistent tone hit their mark. He knew David told him the truth. He had the feeling that with each word, a heavy weight was lifted off his shoulders until he felt as light as he never had before. A wave of love and caring washed over him, his heart opened up. The uneasiness he had felt all the time during this strange meeting shifted into determination. Yes, he could do it, he could try it, he would succeed.

The overwhelming feelings robbed him off speech. Instead of repeating himself, he pulled his brother in a bone crushing embrace. He held on for dear live, enveloped in a love so pure it made him shiver.

"Thanks," he whispered into his brothers hair.

"You're welcome," David replied and held on tighter full of gratefulness that Kermit finally did see the light.

Reluctantly they let go of each other. David receded a step backwards, stiffened again and listened.

"Kermit, I must go."

"No!"

Kermit shouted the word without conscious thought. Long suppressed tears welled up in his eyes and ran down his cheeks.

"You.. you can't leave me Davie, not now, not ever. I haven't told you how much I love you."

David smiled at him and gently wiped the tears away with his thumbs.

"You have done it just now. Ker, I will always be with you."

David laid a hand in the middle of his chest. "In here, in your heart, and I never will stop loving you. Here, inside your heart, I not only have a past, I will have a future - together with you."

A sad and simultaneously happy, wavering smile tugged at Kermit's lips.

"Together with me," the ex-merc repeated.

One last embrace, two whispered 'I love you', and David vanished in front of his eyes as did the surroundings.

Kermit awoke with a start. He looked around and took in his surroundings. He sighed in relief, this sight was familiar to him. He was back in reality. It seemed nothing had changed at this place, but he could not let go of the feeling something was different than it had been before.

The small boy, David, was gone. He was alone. Beside him was a note. He grabbed it and read: 'My father found me, we went home.'

"Thank God," Kermit murmured.

The only thing he wondered about, was why he did not wake up when the father had approached them. Then he thought about that strange dream.

In the distance the faint sound of "Silent Night, Holy Night" could be heard. A gentle breeze stirred the leaves on the tree, it stroked over his face like the gentle caress of long gone by days… or a final good-bye of David.

Despite the comfortable feeling he shivered slightly. Something told him this dream was not just a dream.

For the first time he wanted to believe, believe in something he was not able to explain. He wanted to believe this dream had been a reality, the final opportunity to say his good bye to his beloved brother David, and tell him how much he had loved him - and still did.

He felt something in his heart he never felt before. No, that was not exactly right. It was something he hadn't felt in many, many years. This strange, warm feeling slowly spread out deep within him, until his whole body gave in to the joy, and his face altered in a wide, happy smile.

He was at peace, his soul was at rest, the demons were gone - Finally.

Part1   Part 2

Back to author's index      Back to Story index