Author and Copyright: Susan McNeill

 

"Sometimes the whole damn world is out to piss me off," grumbled Kermit to himself as he sat operating on his sticky keyboard. Some overzealous custodian had violated the sanctity of his office and tipped half a can of Jolt onto his desk. Prying the keys out one by one, he chastised himself for not sufficiently frightening the guy in the first place. Most of the housekeeping staff had been threatened with cactus enemas and do-it-yourself lobotomies if they dared to cross the threshold of the ex-mercenary's domain. Therefore they usually gave him and his property a wide birth.

Even though his back was to the door, he could hear that the 101st was filled with it's usual chaotic climate of complaints, demands, and slamming file cabinets. Getting to his feet, he moved over to shut the door, but for a moment watched Strenlich stalking through the room roaring about missing paperwork. Peter was in a heated argument with a sleazy attorney about the civil rights of some mugger. T.J. and Jody had a loud mouth suspect handcuffed to a chair and Mary Margaret was digging through mounds of paper on her desk looking for God knows what.

She suddenly made eye contact with Kermit through his open door. "Kermit. Don't forget the new accountant is ....."

SLAM! He shut the door right in her face. Damn. He'd forgotten that the new department accountant was coming in today. The Police Commissioner's office had been given a directive to control costs and in response, had decided to put an accountant in each precinct to review costs and funnel expenses through the central accounting department. A memo about this latest bureaucratic bullshit had been circulated to guarantee their cooperation. Kermit had constructed a masterful paper airplane out of his copy and trashed it.

"Another bean counter," he thought, "just what I need today." With the collection of new computer equipment he'd "creatively" ordered over the past six months through the department purchasing network, he was positive that he would be under the microscope.

Why was he in such an evil mood? Last night he had checked on Annie and Kelly. Annie had made dinner and Kelly had roped him into a lesson on "surfing the net." It felt warm in the Blaisdell home. Family and welcome warm. He felt the same way in his sister Marilyn's home. However, somewhere between their reality and his empty house he would remember that he was only a visitor in that sector and not a local. He didn't really belong there at all. He simply soaked up just a bit of the light they poured around him, then went back to himself. To be honest, he was jealous of their happiness and more than a bit disappointed in himself. All the choices he had made had brought him to this...this...go ahead and say it...emptiness. A man with only limited connections to his friends and family who hid behind dark glasses and smart remarks. Maybe I'm getting old. Or, maybe, as Jody had spouted when he'd bitten her head off first thing this morning, he was just a "hateful son-of-a-bitch."

KNOCK! KNOCK!

"Dammit!" he thought to himself. " You'd think they would have gotten the message by now to leave me the hell alone when my door's shut." Kermit yanked open his door barking, "What in the hell do you people want now?" right into Skelany's surprised face. Standing next to her, was his other visitor. She was a petite, blonde woman wearing a department id badge that said "staff accountant". Obviously embarrassed, she was blushing.

Kermit stared at her. That's when it happened. The world suddenly stopped turning.....

"Savannah," Mary Margaret continued, " this is Detective Kermit Griffin, Mister Congeniality." Then glaring at Kermit, who was still motionless, she said, "This is Savannah March, the precinct accountant. She's trying to track down information on this nuclear reactor you have in you office. Be nice!"

Soaking her in from the top of her curly hair to the bottom of her high heels and ignoring Mary Margaret's presence all together, Kermit wondered just where this woman had been and why he'd never seen her before. She was definitely unlike any accountant he'd ever terrorized before. Marilyn still hadn't forgive him for his "I kill people" remark to her neighborhood accountant.

Glorious. That's the word. She's glorious. And she doesn't even know it. Dressed in a pale yellow linen suit and holding a huge folder of messy papers, she looked completely out of place in the dull gray squad room. I'd forgotten that it was Spring. What'd ya know? God, she's beautiful. She even has dimples. And green eyes. I can't believe it. My lucky day. Bet she's only 25. Who cares. All these thoughts and more roamed through the detective's mind.
Savannah took a tentative step forward and extended her hand. "Detective Griffin."

"Kermit."

"Ok, Kermit. Ah'm so terribly sorry about this intrusion but Mary Margaret tells me that you're probably the only one here who can help me with this problem of mine."

She's got a Southern accent! Talk some more, please, he thought in a wonder like state. That was when he suddenly realized, to both of their embarrassment, he was *still* holding her hand. He released her and stated, "Well, Mary Margaret is exactly right. I'm the only one to help you with any problem you may have with anything."

Mary Margaret rolled her eyes and retreated to her desk to, no doubt fill in the entire staff to the fact that Kermit, the ex-mercenary turned tough-guy detective, was making "goo-goo" eyes the new girl.

"Step into my office," he added directing her to the only chair not heaped with his collection of trivia. He reached up to remove his trademark green glasses then thought better of it. Hold on, Kermit. Slow down, boy. He leaned forward and gave her his full attention.

She began inquiring into his latest purchases, making each request with a completely unintentional bat of her long eyelashes. Kermit, itching to provide her with her every desire, pulled mountains of paper out of his desk drawers.

"Let me tell you what, Detect....uh... Kermit," she drawled sweetly, "I know how busy ya'll are and I certainly don't want to cause you a bit of inconvenience. Why don't I just take this, uh, file of yours and see if I can't find what I need myself? Cross my heart I won't lose a thing."

Oh yeah, he almost moaned to himself, you can cross my heart, too.

"Anything you need, Scarlettt, just ask," he grinned as she got up to leave.

"Now, Kermit. Scarlettt wasn't really very nice, remember?" she giggled. "She would have made you dig through all of this stuff yourself." And then she was gone.

Kermit just stood in his doorway watching her walk down the hall to her new office. He wasn't the only one. Peter Caine was standing beside him getting an eye full.

"Oh, so that's her. Mary Margaret said she was cute," chimed Peter.

"Oh really? I bet that's not all she said," replied Kermit pulling his glasses down on his nose.

"You better believe it, buddy," Peter smirked. "She said that she was hearing choruses of 'Puppy Love' when you were introduced and that you were, how did she say it, 'smitten.' Maybe I'd better go introduce myself if the lady's so damned irresistible."

"Don't you people have jobs or lives or something?" Kermit snapped.

<Oh, so that's how it is,> thought Peter. <Well, if he's that interested, I'd better keep my distance from this new one.> Slapping Kermit on the back, Peter left him still standing there watching the path Savannah had taken when she walked away.

***********

Savannah entered her office and closed the door behind her. <Whoa, girl. Get a hold of yourself.> She was absolutely, drop-dead positive that *something* had just happened. But what? One thing was certain. She'd made a complete idiot of herself. She was trying to be taken seriously and there she had stood, batting her eyelashes and flirting with this man. Unbelievable. Who is this guy anyway? A detective with more computer equipment than the Pentagon. A...a...substantial man. That's it. And those sunglasses. What is that about? Whatever it is, it works. It had been enough to fluster her completely. Who was she kidding? This man probably had scores of women lined up around the block. Women much more interesting than some little accountant.

Regardless of this whatever-it-was, it was time to get serious about work. Savannah had to convince these people, especially Strenlich and Captain Simms, that she wasn't the enemy. Accountants were considered bureaucrats and therefore trouble makers for cops. What she wanted to do was take this accounting work, which they hated, off of them so they could do their jobs.

Savannah had never been much of the "scary blue suit" type. She got people to cooperate by being nice to them. Something many of her colleagues didn't understand at all. Her Southern charm seemed to put people at ease and get cooperation. It was a lot easier to try to be friends instead of beating people over the head. Hopefully, she would be able to get some of this paperwork flowing smoothly and they'd see that she wasn't an informant from downtown out to cut their budget.

At least she had a friend here. She and Mary Margaret had met a couple of months ago and had hit it off right away. When Savannah had asked for a transfer, it was a nice surprise to find herself here with someone she knew. Mary Margaret had teased her about having the "perfect blind date" waiting when ever she was ready. Was it that magnetic guy with the shades? Stop it right now!

Savannah was sorting through the so called "file" she had taken from Kermit's office when Mary Margaret peeked in through the door. "All right, girlfriend. What just happened?"

"I'm sure I don't have the faintest idea what you're talkin' about," Savannah answered, never looking up from her work.

"Oh yeah. Right. I didn't see a big lightning bolt when you two met."

"You have quite an imagination. But since we're on the subject, just who is Mr.Tall, Dark, and Handsome? I know you're about to bust to tell me." Savannah smiled and waited for an answer.

Mary Margaret told her all she knew about Kermit, which wasn't much. Although he wasn't the match she'd originally had in mind for her new friend, this could be interesting. Things were definitely in motion. From the size of the sparks that had been flying, it wouldn't take much of a fan to get a fire started. Just Mary Margaret's specialty. She could even enlist Jody's help. A new project. That's what they needed. If your own love life isn't what you hoped, meddling in someone else's could be just the medicine you need.

When she finished answering all of Savannah's questions, she left making a date for lunch, and headed for Kermit's office.

*******

It took forty steps to trace the outline of the cell. Ericson knew every inch. He had scratched and cursed he was around every musty millimeter, searching for the weak link. There was none. The dank prison being used to hold the area's most heinous prisoner in forty years was unusually solid. Solid and tense.

The authorities hadn't trusted the city to house this prisoner before his trial. There was too much at stake.

The prison guards behaved as if they housed Hannibal Lecter. Their fear amused Ericson.
The cell's prisoner had masterminded a plan that lead to the deaths of 410 men, women and children. Ericson had spent a fortune and one years time installing computerized deployment devices throughout Sloanville to release an illness that would consume the city and hold it hostage. All he asked for was 10 million, he thought. It would have worked if it hadn't been for.....HIM.

Griffin. He spit his name with every step he took.

Ericson intended to take the ransom and annihilate the city anyway. The terror of the people had energized him. Their panic fueled him. He was a man without mercy. Griffin knew it and had risked everything to stop him. Ericson would never stop until he could feel that panic, the same panic he'd dumped into the streets of that city, running through Griffin's veins.

That hatred warmed him. Drove him. Inspired him.

*******

"All right, Scarlettt," Kermit said to himself, "let's see what we can find out about you." He hesitated at first before breaking into the personnel office data base. Was it right? *Of course it is,* he thought, and in he went. Savannah Marie March. Poetry. Born in Memphis, Tennessee. Parents Donald and Betsy March. And the magic word: Single. 25 years old. *And she has a birthday coming up.* Graduated from University of Tennessee with accounting degree. Top of her class. *And smart, too.* Lived in Sloanville for one year. "Very sloppy record keeping, guys. You don't even mention how spectacular she is....."

"All you had to do was ask me," said Mary Margaret, startling Kermit and seating herself on the edge of his desk.

"Dammit, Skalany. You're just dying to be deleted from the payroll system, aren't you?" Kermit snapped. Caught in the act. No way to explain this one.

"All right, since you won't ask, I'll volunteer the info on the little magnolia. She's been here a year. Working for the county and for the city.

"I met her at church a couple of months ago. She's from Memphis. Rents a cute little house in the suburbs. Really sweet and funny. Hasn't dated much since she's been here. And she's exactly what you need." Mary Margaret finished with a big breath and just sat there with her arms folded looking at him, grinning.

"Are you finished?" he asked.

"Why yes I am. Just think about it." With that, Mary Margaret left and went to catch up on the work she had let slide during her morning "rounds." She had planted a seed.

"Like I have a choice," thought Kermit.

*******

Over the next couple of days, Savannah and Kermit crossed paths more and more often. He found an extra mouse pad she could use. She processed his expense reports and hand delivered his check. Once, her computer crashed and he volunteered to help her get it up and running again. Kermit was certain that he would find Mary Margaret's prints if he dusted the back of Savannah's machine. He sat there beside Savannah, showing her ways to improve her spreadsheets and use the lousy software the city provided her. He was also trying not to notice that her hair smelled like flowers. Kermit was in trouble. Deep.

Later that afternoon, Kermit spotted her in the parking lot. She was behind the wheel of a gold Honda that wouldn't start. Savannah got out of the car, slammed the door, and stood there with her hands on her hips. "Shit!" she muttered to herself, not knowing that Kermit was directly behind her.

"Rescuing damsels in distress is my job," he said, laughing at her unsuspected show of temper.

He had startled her. She turned and immediately shaded to pink. "Sorry about my gutter mouth but I'm definitely a damsel and I'm most certainly in distress."

"At your service Scarlettt. What seems to be the trouble?" asked Kermit. He was more thrilled than he should be. After all, the lady's car was out of commission. What a shame.

"Well, my battery has played out on me twice this week and had to be charged up," she explained. "I was plannin' to take it to a garage but I've been so busy with this new job and everything that I thought I'd wait until Saturday. Too late, huh?" She stood there feeling more than silly that she'd ignored such an obvious problem.

"Tell you what. I'll charge your battery and follow you to a mechanic down the street. I'll have him check it out." Savannah looked at him with relief and agreed.

At the garage, the mechanic, a friend of Kermit's, found a few more problems. The car wouldn't be ready until tomorrow afternoon.

"No problem," said Kermit. "I'll just drop you at your house tonight and swing by to pick you up in the morning." A perfect coat-over-the-mud-puddle move.

"It might be out of your way," Savannah answered. She thought this was perfect. Now he would know where she lived.

"No, it won't," replied Kermit.

"You don't even know where I live."

"Doesn't matter," he lied smoothly deciding he didn't want to come across as some crazed stalker by telling her the truth. Savannah accepted his offer and he drove her home.
Savannah lived in a quiet neighborhood on a culdesac. Not the twenty-something condo he had expected. A little blue house with shutters and flowers planted in the yard. It was one of those neighborhoods where people actually knew eachother. Not like apartment buildings where people sealed themselves into sardine cans every night and tried not to get too friendly with the other inmates. Kermit had moved from his apartment last year to get out of that life but had never met his neighbors. Although, he had noticed them peering at him through their blinds as he came and went. He knew that Savannah had probably made friends with every person in this street.

He stopped the Corvair and walked around to open her door. "Why thank you, sir," she said sweetly as she unfolded from his front seat.

Kermit walked her to the front door. Savannah put the key in the lock and asked, "Would you like to come in for a while? I could make dinner."

*Oh, yeah.* He wanted to come in alright. Something in his head yelled, "STOP! " Up came those walls. He was getting too friendly too fast and couldn't figure out why. It wasn't just how beautiful she was. He had met hundreds of beautiful women. There was something else going on here that he couldn't put his finger on and it really shook him up. This lady didn't need all of that singles-bar-one-liner crap. All he had to do was talk to her. Be with her. "No thank you. I have some business to take care of tonight. See you at eight." And he left.

Savannah went in and laughed to herself, "Well what d' ya know? Mr. Glasses is just as shook up as I am."

*******

Kermit arrived at exactly 8:00 the next morning. Car washed. Brand new tie in place. He rang he doorbell and was greeted by a rush of hair and perfume.

"I'm so sorry, Kermit. I'm running late today," Savannah apologized as she let him in and rushed around the house.

"Stayed up so late last night trying to sort through all of this paperwork for the Chief. What a mess! But not to worry. It's all sorted out waiting for his initials. Not one thing out of place. Do you want some coffee? I don't normally drink coffee but I'm on my third cup. Guess it's kicking in now, huh?" Savannah rattled on as she sped through the house in a blur looking for her purse, her earring, her briefcase, and one more sip of what seemed to Kermit to be electrified coffee.

"Good morning," he said.

Savannah stopped, leaving skidmarks on her living room floor, and said, "Oh, God, I'm sorry. Good morning, Kermit! I'm not usually so rude. I just--"

"We've got plenty of time, Fireball. Just slow down or you'll burn out before you even get a chance to dazzle the chief." said Kermit. Until this moment he hadn't realized that the rest of the precinct must be feeling what he had before he met this great girl. Bureaucratic bullshit. She really did need to win them over. *Don't worry, Scarlettt. They'll see the light.*

Savannah finally gathered herself together and they left for work. Kermit pulled into the parking lot and to his aggrevation, Peter Caine pulled into the space beside him. "Morning, Miss March. I'm Detective Peter Caine," he said flashing that winning smile of his.

"Nice to meet you, Detective," she said as she exited the car. She looked over at Kermit and said, "Thanks for the ride. See you later." With that she rushed off toward the door.

"Now how did you manage that?" Peter asked, sporting a less than wholesome expression at Kermit.

"Just helping the lady out, that's all," answered Kermit.

"Just helping yourself, no doubt."

"Don't go there, Caine. I mean it." Kermit glared at him.

Peter threw up his hands and said, "Hold on there, big fellow. Just kidding. I know a lady when I see one." With that, he turned and went into work.

******

"I have a court order allowing me to confer with my client privately." the attorney demanded, to the frustrated prison guard. "This man has a constitutional right to a well prepared defense. That means, gentlemen, that you are to get your $6.00 an hour asses out of this room so that I can talk to this man."

The guards yielded in the face of the court order and left the cell. Ericson stared them through the metal doors and into the hallway. They were afraid of him. Not as stupid as they look. Smart enough to know the devil when they see him, he grinned.

Ericson began his conference. "I see my money has begun to spin the wheels of justice. Is Natalie earning her fee?"

"Actually, Natalie is taking a great deal of pleasure in the preparations for the performance. The outcome is of great interest to her," commented the attorney.

"Well, you know what they say about a woman scorned?" remarked Ericson. "They can be real bitches." Then, he added, "In addition to the upcoming events, I require some information about our target. Personal information. Address. Phone numbers. Specs on his alarm system. Have him followed. You know who to hire."

"Is that a wise move at this point? Wouldn't is be better 'change your location' then pursue that goal?" the attorney said, hoping to be rewarded for his skilled counsel.

Ericson leaned into the man's face and quietly said, "I've spent the better part of my life squeezing toads like you into mud. Don't question me. Don't test me. Your job is to get me out of here and my job is to wring every ounce of suffering I can out of Griffin. Don't add your name to my list."

The attorney began to sweat.

******

Mary Margaret and Jody had their heads together plotting their next move when Kermit walked past.

"Kermit," Jody beckoned, "come to lunch with me and Mary Margaret."

"Going out with two ladies at a time," he teased. "What a boost to my tarnished reputation."

They headed toward the door, when Mary Margaret turned in the direction of Savannah's office. "How about three ladies, Kermit? That should skyrocket your rep, huh?"

Kermit shook his head and followed. It wasn't a very smooth setup but he wasn't going to complain.

When they reached Savannah's door, Mary Margaret held up her hand for them to stop and listen. "Peter's in there," she mouthed.

*Oh, great,* Kermit thought. *Caine just couldn't keep his hands off.*

Evidently, Peter had just entered Savannah's office. He had dropped down into the chair and saying, "Hello, Miss March. I thought I'd save you a few steps and put my expense report right into your lovely hands instead of leaving it in your box outside." He flashed her his killer smile and waited.

"Well," Savannah said, gracing him with those dimples and a quick bat of her eyelashes, "aren't you just precious."

Home free, thought Peter. Works every time.

"This really is considerate of you. Why don't I just take a look at this?" giving his reimbursement request her full attention.

"Hmmm. Now I don't see a 'K.S.' anywhere on this form. Do you?"

Uh oh. Peter could see trouble coming.

"Now you know that all these little ole expense forms have to be approved by your captain before I process them," she continued, enjoying his sudden drop in confidence. "You thought that you could avoid the hissy fit Captain Simms is going to have when she sees that you spent $85.00 to take an informant to Andre's last week. I wonder, did this informant have legs up to her neck and whisper in your ear?"

Peter, his plan going down in flames, was beginning to squirm.

"You thought that you'd come in here and do that 'eye thing' and flash those shiny white teeth at me and I'd get all starry eyed, lose control, and send this right on through for you. Didn't you?" Savannah didn't wait for an answer. "Well, Detective, I suggest that you take this system of yours right on into the Captain's office and get your 'chewing out' over with in a hurry. It won't hurt so much if you do it quick, or so I've heard." She concluded her little speech with an electric smile and handed him his form.

Stunned at his failure to charm Miss March, he excused himself and got up to leave. "Oh, Detective," she called, "a little advice. I've been using these eyes and these dimples to get my way for 25 years and I'm much better at it than you are. Don't try to trick me again and do have a nice day."

An embarrassed Peter Caine walked out of Savannah's office right into the eavesdropping trio.

"My friend," Kermit claimed, a satisfied grin on his face, "the lady's got your number."

When Mary Margaret stopped laughing, she gasped, "And she's got a built in bullshit detector, too."

"I'm glad you guys think this is so funny." Peter muttered as he went off to take his bad medicine in Captain Simms's office.

******

Jody gathered Savannah and the four of them left for lunch. They decided on a little diner a few blocks from the precinct. Jody practically shoved Savannah into the booth beside Kermit. After a few minutes of lunchtime conversation, Mary Margaret announced, "Jody, there's Blake. Maybe we should go discuss that big case we're working on together?"

Confused, Jody said, "What case? Ohhhhhh... thaaaaaat case. Yes, we should go over there and discuss it thoroughly."

Before Mary Margaret reached Blake's table, she stopped in front of the quaint little jukebox in the corner and dropped a quarter in the slot. Setting the mood, a song started to play, "Let's give 'em something to talk about..." Perfect, Mary Margaret thought and went over to Blake's table to watch her handiwork.

Savannah just closed her eyes and shook her head.

"She has no shame," said Kermit

"Not a drop," she agreed. "Sorry about this."

"I'm not," he answered.

They spent the remainder of lunch talking and ignoring the elated stares of the two matchmakers.

When the four returned to the station, they were all laughing at some comment Kermit had made when Savannah suddenly stopped. Looking into the squad room, she made a disgusted face and said, "Yuk."

Kermit followed her gaze and saw the object of her comment. Counselor Bob Schneider was there at Peter's desk having a heated discussion. Schneider had a reputation for defending the scum of the earth. If they were extra guilty and had a buck, Schneider was more than anxious to be their voice in court. The guiltier they were, the more they'd pay. They had all seen him eat up witnesses and grease his way through the justice system.

"You have a problem with the barrister, Scarlettt?"

Looking into his glasses she said, "You might say that. He tried to have me arrested."

That got their attention. Jody said, "What! You?"

"What did you do? Dent his Porche?" asked Mary Margaret.

"No," Savannah replied, "just him." After a pause, she continued. "My last assignment was with the Public Defenders Office. From time to time, when they have an overflow of bad guys, they contract with attorneys like Mr. Schneider to handle some of the extra cases.
"I had some questions about one of his bills to the city, so I went over to see him at his office. Well, to make a long story short, let's just say he was interested in more intimate information than explaining his charges. I got up to leave. He grabbed by bottom so I loosened some of his teeth," she finished and looked down at her shoe blushing.

"Go, girl," said Jody, patting Savannah on the back.

*Creep,* thought Kermit. *I'll loosen more than his teeth.*

"That's not the end. Before he got up off the floor, I left. Schneider tried to get the two cops in the building to arrest me for assault but they wouldn't stop laughing long enough to do it.

"I went back to the office and told my boss who offered to help me press charges. I didn't want to turn this into a big, monster deal. Schneider sent our office a bill for his dental work and I sent him a bill for my manicure. After all, I did break a nail," she finished, rubbing her fist.

"Sounds like you handled the situation," Kermit said, staring at Schneider through the doorway.

"I thought so, but now, every time I run into him, he has something nasty to say." Savannah continued looking at Schneider, "And you know what? I've had just about enough."

Savannah gathered herself and walked quickly toward her office with Peter and Schneider directly in her path. Kermit followed a few paces behind. Schneider stepped out into the isle just enough to block her path, and said, "So. Little Miss Muffet found herself another tuffet to sit on." Schneider gave a quick look to Kermit then back to Savannah.

She smiled sweetly and said, "Good afternoon, Mr. Schneider. Say hello to your dentist for me."

Savannah stepped around him and continued to her office.

"Bitch," muttered Schneider under his breath.

Before Kermit or Peter could react, Savannah answered over her shoulder, "If that's a sweet nothing, sugar, it needs work."

Peter laughed out loud and Schneider stood there seething. When Savannah was out of earshot, Kermit stepped up to Schneider and said something in a low, menacing tone that made him flinch and flee the precinct without resolving his business.

Kermit turned and went back to his office. Mary Margaret and Jody rushed over to Peter.

"What did he say to the jerk?" Jody asked.

Peter, still laughing, answered, "He told Schneider that if he caught him even breathing the same air as our Miss March, he'd pull off his...uh... you-know-what and feed it to him."

 

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