The door practically vibrated in her face. Karen stood behind the echoing slam of her office door and quickly dropped the blinds to regain her privacy. Of all the reactions she had anticipated from Todd about the news, this one had completely escaped the realm of possibility in her mind.
"Fine, Mother!" her son spat with a vehemence well beyond seventeen, "Maybe you won't dump this one the way you dumped me! At least until it gets, to quote you, 'complicated.'"
The sofa cushions creaked beneath her legs as Captain Simms sank down under the weight of her guilt and disappointment. No, this wasn't at all how she'd envisioned this meeting with her son. Months ago a crisis had drawn them back together. Todd had reached out to her -- his mother-- for help in his hour of fear and indecision. She had sent in the cavalry of Peter Caine and father and protected her child. Since then, the phone calls had been more frequent as had been the visits. Moments of understanding intermingled with bouts of anger from the young man who was struggling to accept his mother's past absence from his life.
Karen leaned back on the sofa, covering her eyes in defeat. How could I have been so stupid? Had she expected Todd to simply welcome a baby sister with open arms? *Yes. Yes, you did.*
That fantasy was now shattered. The fantasy of a new life with purpose renewed and a joyful family surrounding her. Even the delicate dance between her and the elusive affections of Kermit Griffin had seemed to be developing form. *Is that also simply an invention of my own mind? Wishful thinking and romantic drivel?*
A glint of light reflected from the tiny picture frame on her desk beckoned the woman from her sad thoughts. Reaching out to take the photo in her hand, Karen's resolve to this one situation returned. One of the nurses had snapped the quick photo of Baby Doe and her savior on Christmas Day. "Baby Doe," Karen whispered, smiling as she gently stroked the image of this infant.
From the moment she'd snatched her from the reeking piles of frozen garbage in that alley, she had known. Known that this meeting wasn't a chance encounter to be processed with forms and policy. Karen knew that she'd been lead to this child. Both grasping for warmth and help in the midst of a world that colored itself with a frost of denial and hatred, they had found solace.
After leaving the infant in the care of trained pediatric professionals, Karen had tried to leave her behind. In vain. Day after day after day, she returned to the abandoned child. "Just to help out," she'd explained to the knowing smiles of the nursing staff. Short lunch time visits began to evolve into lengthy evenings spent singing and rocking this tiny abandoned child as she recovered from exposure and the nightmarish withdrawal that was her drug addicted mother's final gifts.
When it became clear that no one planned to claim this frail baby girl, the nursing staff asked Karen to select a name. Baby Doe seemed woefully inadequate for this now delicately blushed, blue-eyed child. Karen had nearly gasped in shock when Kermit Griffin had announced, "Carol," from the corner of the nursery. "A Christmas Carol." Grinning at Karen's surprise to find him also visiting the hospital nursery, he stated dryly, "Seems appropriate, don't you think?"
In that moment, Baby Doe became Carol Anne. Carol Anne Simms, in the captain's mind. A name bestowed and a bond finally given recognition. As had been the mode of operations for her entire life, once a decision had been made, Karen Simms dug into the process of adoption with both hands. She had tried to keep it a private matter and guarded her new project as she did the rest of her private life.
Kermit was the only one who knew for sure. He'd spent hours listening to her rattle off lists of pro's and con's. Listened to her try to talk herself out of it. Listened silently to her arguments of being too busy, too selfish, too old. At two in the morning, after Karen's litany of reasons to turn Carol Anne over to a younger, married couple had made their way over coffee cups and into the ex-mercenary's ear, he simply smiled at her. Knowing the correct answer as did she. "So, do you need help picking up the baby furniture?"
At that moment, Karen had been filled with joy and relief. Open doors filled with promise. Now it was time to let the world in on the choice. Her staff would have to know because of impending investigations by Child Protective Services. Her only family was her son and Karen couldn't wait to share the news with him that he would soon have a sister.
Fantasy shattered, she sat alone in her office. Hurt coloring what should have been a wonderful day for her growing family.
******************
Todd Simms tore his way out of the precinct with the crash of his mother's slammed office door ringing in his ears. A blinding wall of emotion had overtaken him. Anger, hurt, jealousy.
Jealousy. It felt juvenile and petty.....and real. The young man found his way through the building to the parking lot and out into the stream of people on the sidewalk. *She's got some freakin' nerve!!! Suddenly now she wanted to mother a child.* Why now and why some spare kid she didn't even know? And she expected him to be thrilled about it. She'd practically broken her face smiling out the news to him when he's arrived.
Well, he had shown her just what he thought of her and her new kid. *Haven't needed you for ten years? Sure as hell won't miss you now.* The young man increased his pace with the speed of his fury.
"Since you don't know where you're going, mind if I come along?" Kermit Griffin fought the sound of forced breath that the race to catch the seventeen-year-old had caused. *If I could be this smart and that fast....* He ignored the twinge in his side and matched the boy's gate with a casual air.
Screeching to a stop, Todd Simms found a focus for his raging wound. "So now her new boyfriend is going to lecture me on my behavior? Well you can just skip it, secret agent man. Tell my mother to go ahead and move that little stray into her house and you into her bed and she won't be bothered with me anymore."
*He's just a kid. Her kid.* Kermit repeated that mantra in his head and grasped the inside of his pocket to keep from plowing into the boy's stomach with his fist. Had to remember that this was between a son and his mother. Not some would be suitor. Still, whatever was or wasn't between Kermit Griffin and his boss-turned-whatever and a little girl child he was getting to know, did involve this boy.
"Perhaps, Master Simms," Kermit drawled slowly from behind dark green glasses of decorum and attitude, "your mother made an error in entrusting your training to the Simms family. Seeing as they have raised a spoiled brat instead of a man."
Kermit had to admire the aloof stance of the military school student. At ease but at the ready. He half expect one long arm to sing out at any moment. The detective remembered that arrogance of youth. Immortality spurring confidence and idealism. *Until somebody beats it out of you, huh Kermit?* Starch and polish and confidence was built around his growing anger. The hurt expression evident upon the young man's speedy exit from the captain's office drained.
"So," Todd oozed sarcastically, "I'm supposed to soak up some lecture from you on how Karen Simms is the mother of the year then we share and bond for a while and live happily ever after? Why in the HELL do you think this is your business anyway?" The poison of his hurt dripped from every word. All those weeks of building a relationship with his mother had danced around the hurt. Now, the raw scream of his abandonment roared forth.
Becoming aware of a gathering spectators, Kermit gestured to a nearby bench. Surprisingly, young Simms followed. "First, I don't know you and I'm not interested in bonding. Second, if you are the officer and gentleman you military stiffs claim to be, you'll at least be polite enough to listen to me for five minutes." Kermit lowered his voice to a deadly growl, "And anything that happens to that woman IS my business whether it pleases you or not."
Todd Simms jammed his freezing hands into his pockets. Burning fires of anger had dimmed the cold upon his speedy exit from the precinct. He was nearly sick with fury and now he was cold. The wind blew down the frozen sidewalk and wrapped around his neck. He was mad and miserable and that asshole wanted him to hang on his every word! But, even in his fit of teen-aged anger, he retained enough sanity to stop himself from plowing a fist into the face of the annoying man before him. He was angry, not crazy.
Having had quite a few more years of experience disguising his discomfort, Kermit waved his hand through the icy breeze. "Sit down."
"I'll stand."
Through a half grin that was as malevolent as the growl of a rabid dog, Kermit again repeated himself. "I said, SIT DOWN!"
Every fiber in the younger man cried out to rebel. He was taller by a few inches than the arrogant black-clad detective. Still, his altitude gave no advantage. Kermit Griffin oozed superiority from every pore. Not the lofty perch of command, but authority borne from years of not giving a damn what anyone else ordered. After a few seconds of obstinate shifting from foot to foot, Todd lit on the edge of the worn sidewalk bench. Back still board straight and eyes hard beads of anger.
Kermit lounged backward, looping his arm over the back of the seat as if it were a balmy Summer day. "Relax, kid. I don't bite."
"I do," spat the teenager who remained sharp and on edge.
As if to taunt the young man more, Kermit huffed a short laugh. "Bet you do." Taking control through a moment of forced silence, the detective continued more gently, "Why are you so angry?"
"Why do you care?"
"Just trying to be a friend."
"Who asked you to be my friend?"
Tone still controlled and even, Kermit replied, "Didn't say I was yours." It was freezing, even for his standards. No more time for the luxury of dramatic pause. "I ask again, Todd, why are you so angry that she's found some happiness?"
Happiness. Happiness with someone else. Hiding within a cloak of whirling sarcasm, the military cadet answered in a near sing-song cadence. "Oh yes, Karen Simms dumps one kid for her career and now we're all supposed to be filled with joy that she's suddenly decided to try it again. No thanks!"
"Yeah, kid," Kermit rubbed beneath his glasses with stiffened fingers, "you look neglected all right. She really turned you over to the wolves. A father who, from her account, loves you. Nice life. Good education. Any freakin' thing you want. When we get back to the precinct, I'll call child welfare to investigate."
"Maybe I didn't want that stuff. Maybe I just wanted her." Revelations were flowing in spite of himself. Todd Simms reluctantly hunched against the cold in the curve of the bench.
"That's funny. You got her now and just told her to take a hike." Damn, it was cold. "So, if that's not it, this whining session must be about the baby."
That baby. He didn't want to think about her. Didn't want to think about his mother and that baby. That baby in his place. It sounds shallow. It felt worse. And it was all his mother's fault for building this bonfire in his chest.
There was the kink in the armor of anger. Kermit Griffin locked onto the flinch and played through. "What did your mother tell you about Carol Anne?" Christmas Carol. He'd all ready fallen into a pet name. It didn't matter how much he'd lain awake at night fighting the feeling. Going over the reasons to keep his distance. That day when he'd tried to sneak in an anonymous visit to the little waif and found her in Karen's arms in the hospital nursery had grabbed his tired heart. Grabbed it and squeezed.
Shaking away his own turmoil, he answered himself. "Oh, I forgot, you didn't give her time to tell you anything. Let me tell you the story of our Christmas Carol."
In spite of himself, Todd unmuffled his curiosity and listened.
*******
Karen Simms ignored the light rapping on her shielded office door. The last thing she wanted to reveal was a pair of puffy, red eyes to a room full of officers under her command. She could at least hold onto the control over that part of her life. For today.
The rapping continued.
Blowing frustrated air through her lips, the captain bellowed, "Somebody better have a gun to the mayor's head for this! Get in and get OUT!"
A tentative Broderick eased open the door to the lion's den. "Captain..."
"What is it! I said I wanted my calls held and that means chitchat, too!" Karen growled her anger and frustration and fixed her eyes on imaginary work at her fingertips.
"I was screening your calls and the--"
"The what, Broderick?! Can no one in this place go to the head without me holding their hand?" The futile release was in charge of her language at the moment. The target was irrelevant.
"It's the hospital, Captain. The baby's sick and they want you to come." The bad news blurted out in his own self-defense.
In a whirl of overcoat and long blonde hair, Karen Simms shoved her wordless way past the sergeant. Breathless in the fear that choked down her previous self-pity.
*******
"But," Kermit had mercy on the boy....and himself, "let's walk back to the office before a Saint Bernard shoes up to save us." Rising to his full height, he slapped the young man on the shoulder. Half expecting to draw back a nub.
Without verbal response, Todd rose quickly and followed.
"Well, I suppose the beginning is the place to start," he said, thanking the Heavens for their perfect timing. "That's the spot." Pointing past the young man's nose, Kermit indicated the filthy spot where the baby had been found.
"The spot for what?" Todd hugged himself as another penetrating slice of wind cut past the fleece sweatshirt he wore. The alley was cold as ice and littered with half torn garbage bags. Caked with sludge and broken glass. Typical urban aroma of rot and sour rivers of waste.
"The spot where someone dumped a days old baby on Christmas Eve."
His expression flowed from initial shock to revulsion. "You're joking. Right?" To the weary shake of salt and pepper hair, the young man whispered, "What kind of animal would do something like that?"
The innocent reaction reminded the ex-mercenary of a time when he himself had no concept of such callousness. "Probably her mother. Left her in a blanket half the weight of your shirt, in the trash, on a night colder than this afternoon."
Still horrified and angry, Todd asked, "Why?"
A pointless and unanswerable question, but he gave it a shot. "Maybe the baby was interfering with the customers. Don't know for sure. We do know that the mother was a druggie because of the heroin in Carol Anne's bloodstream." The bile rose in his throat every time he thought about a sickness so strong it could convince a mother to brutalize her own child that way.
Walking slowly into the foul smelling alleyway, he spoke toward the piles of half decayed food and soggy paper. "She didn't abandon her at a hospital. Didn't leave her on a church pew. Didn't offer her to another family. Just shed her and split. Hell of a first Christmas, huh?"
"Mother found her here?" Todd kicked a bag of trash in frustration.
"She did. Karen's car was dead and she'd taken the subway. She walked past just after the woman dumped her. Tried to stop her but she got away." Kermit Griffin still marveled when fate actually turned on the side of right. A rarity in his experience.
Tugging on the young man's sleeve, Kermit coaxed him back on the path toward the office. "That little girl would have died out here in no time. Knowing your mother like I do....like you should....how could she do anything less than commit?"
Todd silently processed the magnitude of horror. A baby thrown away. No family. No love. Not even an ounce of chance at life. His hands were like ice cubes. How could someone do that?
"Kid, I don't know what brought them together. God or fate or just good timing. But, I know she's found something that gives her a spark that's been missing." Kermit was getting through. No smart remarks or childish scowl met his insights. "What does Karen loving that baby take away from you?"
*What, indeed?* he asked himself. Todd Simms couldn't deny the envy he felt. Deep green festering envy. But, he also could not deny the shame he now felt in the face of his comfort as opposed to a half frozen baby shivering in the night. It was a side of himself he found repulsive...but it existed.
Long legged strides were pulling them ever closer to the precinct steps. While Kermit Griffin fantasized of jamming his frozen hands directly into the pot of bitter police department coffee, he seized his last opportunity for persuasion. "If you're actually jealous of that tiny little girl who's been left at the mercy of the world, I think you, not your mother, may be the one in need of attitude adjustment.
"Maybe your mother did screw up with you but knowing her the way I do, it's not likely she made her decisions for her own welfare. Now that she has a chance for a relationship with you and a life for that baby, don't make her choose. Don't waste your time whining. Be a man and a son and get on with it."
Todd had been held in rapt attention. His own shortcomings being illustrated by a stranger. He barely noticed the heavy door swinging open to welcome them both into the blessed warmth of the precinct. Warmth mimicked in the hot sting of red flooding into his cheeks to display his shame. Turning to offer some sort of conciliatory remark, Todd found himself alone.
Sucking in his pride, the young man moved through the as yet unfamiliar family of officers under his mother's command. Before he could reach her office and resume their battle, the black clad arm of moments before was shoving a jacket into his hands.
With a tone filled by the bark of worry, Kermit Griffin said, "Come with me. Something's wrong with the baby." Jerking himself into a black leather coat, the detective pounding his way out of the room
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