Author and Copyright: Susan P. O'Connor

 

*** Quotations from the Tao Te Ching, written by Lao-tzu, are from the translation by S. Mitchell.
***Dialog that takes place between/among the minds of the two or more people involved is marked with '**' rather than '"'.

 

**Annie.**

**Annie.**

She stirred at the beloved voice, coming to full wakefulness as she felt the familiar touch in her mind. "Where are you? Are you …?"

She sat up, straining to hear in the empty night.

**Annie, I'm so sorry … I tried so hard to finish this so I could come back to you.**

"I know, love," She whispered softly the words she was thinking.

**I've thought of you so often this time I've been away.**

"I know, that, Paul," She still whispered, yet afraid someone would hear. "I've heard you speaking to me. I knew you were close, even if you were so many miles away."

**Annie, remember always that I love you. I wanted to be here so much; but it was too dangerous. They had to believe you were not involved, you and Peter and the girls. But now… I'm afraid…**

**Paul?** This was a different voice, not Annie who responded. She could feel Paul's amazement. And then she recognized the other.

**Caine?** It was almost a challenge from Paul. What was Caine doing in Annie's mind?

**You asked me to watch over her, Paul. As I have done. I felt this new pain in her mind while I was meditating… Why are you here?**

Paul accepted the response and tried again to tell his wife. **Annie, - my dear heart … but you should be safe. I won't be back; but I will never be far from you. Believe that!**
Caine could feel Annie's distress at her beloved's words and quickly sent her to sleep, a dreamless sleep. She would need to be fully rested to face the days to come.

**Paul!** Caine commanded him to stay. **What about Kermit? Is he still safe? Did you succeed in finishing your 'complication'? What you did for my son, I can never repay; but if protection is needed, …I will help.**

Caine could feel the other's presence fading as Paul spoke. **I am so tired. I must go … **
As Paul's presence faded, Caine sent a final thought at him. **Yes, go rest now. A violent cutting of the golden cord is most exhausting. We will speak later.**

***

Annie awoke the next morning with a strong sense of loss draped carefully with a light odor of closure. She dressed and came to the kitchen without realizing she was doing so. Her thoughts were lost in a gray fog tinged with her husband's scent; she simply followed her feet downstairs. Caine was waiting for her.

She greeted him without surprise, accepted his hug, and walked with him into her kitchen. She thought then to ask, "Why are you here, Caine?"

"You need your friends here now."

As he answered her, the fog lifted a little, and her senses registered the presence of her children, and others.

Carolyn, Kelly, and Peter hugged her together at the entrance to the kitchen and then led her to a chair. As she sat, she asked: "Why are you all here?" She had just realized that Strenlich and Kermit were also in the room.

Caine said, "Annie, we know about Paul," as Kermit and Frank, seated close by, each leaned in to gently take one of her hands, whispering their condolences. Peter and the girls surrounded her in a protective embrace, as if they were building a stockade around her.
She remembered. She remembered Paul coming to her in her mind last night to tell her goodbye. There was more; she would remember that later, but it didn't matter now. All that mattered was that he was really gone now.

She leaned back into her children and wept. They all wept.

***

3 hours before:

Kermit popped upright in his bed, gun automatically retrieved from the pocket in the pillow and aimed at the door. His adrenaline was pumping as he swung his legs off the bed and slid down into a crouch, nearly invisible in the darkened room.

His gun suddenly disappeared from his hand as an extremely calm voice repeated his name. He didn't quite hear it as his legs pushed up and his arm swung to attack. His attempt to rise was thwarted by the hand on his shoulder and his arm movement was blocked.
"Kermit." The same quiet voice. This time he heard it. He looked up.

"Caine?" Finally recognizing the voice, he immediately ceased his futile attempt to attack. But his heart continued to race as he put on his neutral, implacable facade. I'm getting too old for surprises like this! whispered in his mind. "How the hell did you…?"

With Caine's hand now off him, he rose to face his friend, more than a little curious. "Oh, never mind that. What is so important that it can't wait until morning?"

"Sit down, Kermit. What I have to tell you will be very hard for you to hear."

Kermit sat. Caine said nothing, so Kermit looked closely at him, and flinched. The man was almost emotional!

"Is it about Peter?" Kermit started to rise again. Caine gestured him back down.

"Kermit. It is Paul. He died tonight."

Kermit was on his feet. "No!" He paced two steps from the bed, stopped for two seconds, and slowly turned around. In that short time, his mercenary instincts took over. Emotions were to be dealt with later. His expression was back to the closed face he usually wore. "You woke me to tell me this? Do we need to go after the murderers right now? No? Then I am going back to sleep. Goodnight. You can see yourself out as easily as you came in." He started walking toward the bed.
The priest shook his head, as much in response to the mercenary's transformation as in answer to the questions. "There is nothing we can do about the murder for now. We must tell Peter and then his sisters. Then we can discuss what we can do."

"Fine," said Griffin. "Then I'm going back to bed. You tell Peter and the girls. Wake me when you need me." He started to get into the bed.

"You are needed now." stressed Caine. "You were Paul's closest friend. Did he not ask you to take care of Annie? She will need you, if just as a reminder of Paul. We must go there before she wakes. Also," he repeated, more softly, "We must go to Peter."

Kermit muttered, mostly to himself, "A reminder of Paul? Me? That's not what she needs. And I have no words of comfort for her." But he was getting dressed, apparently without realizing it.

"Give me a moment to dress. I'll drive you to Peter's and then to Annie's--but you can tell Peter alone. He won't want me there."

Caine conceded with a bow of his head.

***

With Kermit dressed, they left his apartment and drove to Peter's, quietly, immersed in their own thoughts.

Kermit sat in the car while Caine exited and went into the building to wake Peter. Now alone, the tears flowed. He would grieve for Paul, yes. But he would do it alone, damn it, and in his time and way. He was really going to miss the old man.

Meanwhile, Peter was sleeping--alone, since he was between lovers. Deep in an erotic fantasy, he saw his father appear in the dream, telling him to wake up. At first, he resented his parent showing up and interfering with his fun; but the intrusion changed the flow of the dream and he began to wake up. As he reached the waking state, he heard the knock at his front door. Groggily he got out of bed, grabbed a robe, and went to open the door.

Still not really awake, he greeted his father with a combination of disbelief and surprise. "Pop? It's 4 in the morning. What are you doing here?" As he came to full awareness, he realized that his father was there, at a very strange time. Fear chilled his thoughts. "Is there a problem? Are you going away? Do you need a …"

His father held up his hand to stop the questions. "I needed to talk to you and it could not wait." He walked over to his son and put his hands on Peter's arms, holding him gently. In a quiet voice, he said, "Paul is dead."

Peter recoiled at the words, pulled away from his father, denying their possibility. "He can't be! Not Paul! " In spite of his words, he started to weep. He moved rapidly around the apartment, moving from the table to the train set to face his father again and back to the table.
He continued to rant and rage around the room for several minutes. "He can take care of himself! How could you possibly know? Why are you saying this?"

When he faced his father again, and paused to catch his breath, Caine pulled him into his embrace. "Paul came to Annie last night, in her sleep."

Peter pulled back a bit, surprised; this time not leaving the protection of his father's arms, and sputtered through the tears. "Annie had a bad dream so now you're telling me Paul is dead? Come off it, Pop."

Caine ignored the title; this was not the time to argue over trivialities. He continued to speak softly, but let some of his sadness show. "It was not a dream. I was meditating and felt her cry when he told her. Then I felt his presence."

Grief was trying to turn to anger. "Right, you both had a bad dream. And you expect me to believe a good man is dead? This is a very bad joke."

Peter needed to believe and accept. Caine spoke more firmly. "This is not a joke, Peter."
And belief was beginning to grow in his son, but only slowly. This was too hard to accept. Paul had provided so much strength for Peter, starting even before Paul had taken him from the orphanage. He had been the lighthouse that had saved Peter whenever he had foundered throughout his teen years. Too, Peter had assumed, when Paul left, that Paul would return, just as his birth father had. And now he had to accept that Paul would not be returning? This would take some time.
At least he was calming down a bit.

"I know, you don't tell jokes, Pop, er Dad. But this is so hard to believe. How can I believe? It just can't be. I won't believe it."

Peter took a deep breath. "How did he die? Where was he? What was he doing? What do we do now?"

"Now we go to Annie."

That set Peter off again.  "Oh, no! Mom!" Now he was crying for her, too.

Caine wiped Peter's face and pushed him toward the bathroom. "Wash your face and then get dressed, Peter. Kermit is waiting for us in his car."

Peter stopped and turned around. "You told Kermit first?" He spun back around and moved into the bathroom, muttering as he went. "Fine thing! It's my foster father, and he tells Kermit first!" He raised his voice. "Why did you feel it was necessary to tell Kermit first?"
Caine moved closer to his son. "My son, Think! How easily does Detective Griffin express any emotion?"

Peter had gained some control over the tears. He had washed his face, and was drying it and the tears that still overflowed from time to time. "I see your point. So you told him and them left him in the car alone so he didn't have to display his grief? That was thoughtful, Pop."
Peter moved to his bedroom and dressed, stopping to wipe his eyes now and then. "You think he could stand some company yet?"

He heard, "Oh, yeah!" Kermit's answer to everything. He came down from his bedroom and saw the detective leaning in the frame of his front doorway.
Kermit, in his normal off-handed manner, said, "Caine was up here so long, I thought I'd better come give you a hand removing the body. I'm glad to see you're both still in one piece. Come on, coffee awaits us."

Caine and Peter looked at each other and shrugged identically. Peter's look to his father said, "This is grieving?" His father's look back said, "He has had much practice hiding grief."
They left Peter's apartment. Kermit and Peter each headed for their own car. Caine grabbed Peter's arm and steered him toward Kermit's.

"I do not believe you should be driving. We will ride with Kermit."

As they opened the doors to get in the car, they noticed two bodies lying against the building. They both looked at their friend casually sliding behind the steering wheel. He looked at Caine, "I was resting my eyes; they thought I was easy prey. They were wrong." At Caine's raised eyebrow, he added, "They are just taking a little nap; my treat."

Caine and Peter closed their doors, Kermit started the car, and they drove to the Blaisdell residence.

Kelly was still living at home, and Carolyn, with eight-month old Bobby, just happened to be visiting for the weekend, her husband out of town on one of his normal business trips. Peter woke each of them gently and asked them to come downstairs without waking their stepmother or the baby.
Carolyn and Kelly took the news as well as Peter had. They were quieter, but just as stricken.
While Caine talked to them, answering their questions as he could, and trying to soothe their feelings, Kermit made himself useful by fixing a simple breakfast. As little appetite as they all had, they would still need sustenance and he still wanted his coffee.

Peter wandered the lower floor of the house, as if he were looking for his foster father.
He was staring out the back windows when he felt Kermit beside him. They stood together, staring toward the breaking dawn, separated by their own grief processes.

They stood there for some twenty minutes: taking turns looking at the other, searching unsuccessfully within for some words of comfort to extend to the other.
Standing so still got to Peter first. He turned away from the view and from Kermit, sighing "He's not out there, anymore…"

For the next hour, the movements of the mourners resembled a dance choreographed in slow time as each dancer made a tour of the lower floor of the house, examining the evidences of the close-knit family that had been whole until late last night: the pictures, posters, trophies. Periodically, two or three would stop in the kitchen. They would refill their coffee cups, stand mutely for a minute or so, and then meander on. Only Caine sat still, waiting.

During one of Kermit's passes through the kitchen, Caine stopped him to ask. "Are either of you on duty today?"

Kermit had to stop and think, and try to focus, and then try to think again. The news had shaken him much more than he was pretending. Finally, the words made sense and the answer came to mind. "This is Monday; yes, we have to work today."

The effort to speak woke him up more. He thought, Work is going to be very difficult for a while. Not only is he gone, but I have to get the son-of-a-bitch who did it. I'm not going to get much accomplished for the Department; neither is Peter. He looked up as Caine replied to his thoughts.
"You have to continue working as if nothing happened. No one must know we know that Paul has died. They may not know he has died. We do not know why he died. We do not know if it is dangerous for anyone to know..."

"That's true, Caine," Kermit replied thoughtfully, "But the Captain and the other detectives will suspect something is wrong if we occasionally disappear to follow up leads. Chief Strenlich needs to know; if the knowledge is dangerous for us, not knowing would be more dangerous for him. As close as he and Paul had become, anyone would assume he would know too."

With Caine in agreement, Kermit called the Chief, told him the news, and asked him to come to the Blaisdell residence. Frank was curious, incredulous, and then dismayed, when told why. He arrived minutes before Annie awakened.

***

Back to the present.

"Why are there so many people there?"

"Who knows and who cares? They'll be gone soon and then we can work."

***

The kitchen quickly became too close and intimate for the three older men. Kermit and Frank moved outside where there was room to pace; where there were safe things to pound, like trees. Caine followed the others, realizing that the family needed to be alone.

Peter felt himself pulled in several directions at once. He wanted to run to where he could be alone; he wanted to charge out to find who had done this to Paul; he wanted to be with the other men, to demand answers of Kermit and of his father; and he wanted to be held and comforted. The ever-present small mouse of doubt about his place in the Blaisdell family made him hesitant about staying with the women. He should go with the men and decide how to avenge Paul's death.

When Peter moved to join his father, Caine shook his head, and Annie reached for her foster son to pull him down in front of her.

"Peter," she whispered, "Please stay. I need you here. I need all my family here with me."

Peter gratefully put his head in her lap and allowed his grief some release.

After a while, the four--Annie, Carolyn, Kelly, and Peter--began to talk softly, between the tears, of the man they loved, who was no longer there.

The group outside arranged themselves around the backyard, in the shade of the trees, as if they were on guard. They talked quietly about Paul for a while, his strengths, his adventures, the place he had held, still held in their lives.

The quiet gloom got to Strenlich first. "Did Paul finish cleaning up" Frank asked Caine.

Caine thought, shrugged, started to say his usual, "I…do not…know", but looked at Kermit and thought better of it. Kermit might be pretending he was all right, but the strength of his hidden emotion lit up the side of the house like a red neon light for Caine. He cleared his throat.

"He was speaking to Annie. I could only hear some of what he was telling her. I only know that she knew he was telling her goodbye. The distress that caused drew my mind to hers."
Another voice interrupted. "He was afraid. He said …"

They turned toward her voice and saw Annie and the three grown children now standing at the back door. She looked lost, hidden in her children; they were almost as gray.

No one spoke for several moments. Annie looked toward Caine, her blindness no barrier to locating his presence. He reached out to her, walking up to her and touching her shoulder. She felt the solace in his chi flowing from him to her. She turned from him to where she had heard the others last speak. Caine's chi seemed to give her some strength. She tried to continue, "He said he had tried,… " and then she faltered, and slipped into sleep. Peter caught her as she slid to the patio flooring.

"Pop!"

"Peter."

"Pop, why did you do that?"

"Because she needs to sleep; she had nothing more to tell us, and she is exhausted. That was enough. He told her he had tried." Caine paused. "So he did not succeed. At least not completely!"
The tree shook as Kermit and the Chief took out their feelings on it. Then they both stalked off, shaking their arms to restore feeling. Kermit said, "I need my computer."

Strenlich muttered, "I'm got some of my own sources. Unofficial sources."

Weeping was now behind them. Mourning could wait. Information was needed before action could take place.

Caine helped Peter carry Annie to her room and left her to her children. They all had much work to do before Kermit, and others, including, perhaps, this family here, were safe from the demons that had pushed Paul on his quest. At least these demons were on the physical plane where all the group members could attack them.

Caine then left to discuss the events with the Ancient.

Carolyn fussed over her stepmother, making her comfortable in her bed. Kelly and Peter moved back downstairs and began to discuss what would happen next. Carolyn picked up her son, finally awake, and came down to find them moving restlessly around the living room.

"Peter," asked Carolyn, "why are they so worried? I understand them grieving too; they loved Father as we did… But what they are showing is much more than just grief."

"Mom said that he had tried." Peter started, "and Pop, that is my , my other, oh, Hell, you know who I mean, he said Paul hadn't succeeded. So, whoever Paul was after is still alive. And now, we have to find out what he was doing, and why, and who killed him. Then we stop them. The catch is we don't know where to start.

"Look. I have to go to work."

"You're going to work? Today? "The sisters said it at the same time, with the same amount of disbelief and concern.

Peter sighed. It was already a long day, and it was not much past dawn. He wanted to start investigating his foster father's murder right now, even more that he wanted a nice long sleep. At least the tears had pretty much stopped flowing--as long as he didn't think too hard… "I have to. We decided to not tell anyone about this, remember? If the killers don't know that we know, they may get careless, and we will have a better chance of catching them. We all have to pretend that we don't know."

Carolyn said, "For the first time, I'm glad Todd is out of town. It will be easier for me to pretend if he doesn't know; and I'm not sure I could not tell him just now. But I'd better go by our place and get a few more things for me and the baby. We'll just stay here with Annie and Kelly for now. Why don't I drop you off at work on the way?"

She turned to Kelly, "You don't mind taking care of Bobby while I go?"
Kelly eagerly grabbed her nephew, hugged Carolyn and Peter and watched them leave. Then she changed and fed the baby, took him up to her sister's room and put him in the crib to play with his toys. She went back to bed.

***

"Now there's only two of them."

"The other will return. You heard her. She's just going to drop off the pretty boy, pick up some things…which she'll never need…" The last was said with a wicked grin.

 

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