Kermit's first day back at the precinct had begun to settle down by lunchtime. After the
pats on the back and a few hours of catch up time with each of his friends, he was glad to be alone in his office. Glad to be back to the distraction of work. The past few weeks of recovery had been torture. He's spent the first two weeks with Marilyn. Kermit loved his little sister fiercely. She and her children were his only family and there wasn't a mountain on the planet that Marilyn wouldn't attempt to move for him. But, she nearly smothered him into a nervous breakdown.

He was relieved once he returned to his own home for the last two weeks, away from her scrutiny. There, he could be alone with his demons. Marilyn knew, without any words, the pain he felt about his loss. Kermit and Savannah had spent a weekend at his sister's home shortly before Ericson's attack. Marilyn was thrilled to see him with someone like her. Someone he could let down his guard to and actually be happy.

Marilyn understood why he'd pushed her away. Kermit wore his guilt like a shroud. Though she never said a word, he could feel her concern. Kermit just wanted to get away before she asked and he had to lie.

Now he was back to Kermit. Dark glasses in place and keyboard in hand.

He hadn't been working for an hour when he was interrupted by a light knocking on his office door. "Might as well come in," he shouted, trying to sound annoyed.

Kwai Chang Caine quietly entered the ex-mercenary's office. "Good afternoon."

"Hello, Caine. What can I do for you?" Kermit asked, wondering what was brewing that could bring Caine looking for him instead of Peter.

"I come here on behalf of a friend who needs your help," Caine replied, as he took a seat across from Kermit's cluttered desk.

Kermit had seen a parade of troubled souls pass through Caine's life in the time he'd known him. There was never a situation he could refuse to get involved in given an impassioned cry for help. Given Caine's strength and "direct line into the mystic," Kermit was puzzled as to why he might need his help.

"Is this police business we're talking about?"

"It is police business in that it involves a police detective," Caine said, patiently waiting to reveal his information one item at time.

"Ok, I'll bite. What's Peter gotten himself into now?" Of course, it's Peter. Must be, thought Kermit.

"No. Not Peter. You, Kermit."

"Alright, Caine. Cut to the chase for once. Whose in trouble and what do I have to do with it?"

"Savannah March," Caine replied.

Kermit felt like he'd been punched in the stomach. Hearing her name sucked the breath right out of him. The thought of her in trouble made it worse.
"You saw her? Is she in danger? Is she sick? What?" Kermit pulled off his glasses and gave Caine his full attention.

"Yes. She came to me last evening. You must go to her."

The walls started coming back up. Whatever trouble she was in, being associated with his past again could only make it worse. Caine could handle anything that needed to be handled. Kermit put his glasses back in place and straightened in his chair.

"Caine. Whatever she needs, if it's money or anything, I'll give it to you but you'll just have to take care of it. The last time she was with me, she almost got killed. You can help her," he finished and turned back to his computer.

Caine realized that the final card would have to be played. "She carries your child."

Kermit froze. Not removing his eyes from his computer screen, he replayed his last conversation with Savannah.

"Kermit, I've got something to tell..." she had said but her cut her off. Told her that things weren't working out.

"But you don't understand. I'm..." she tried once more only to be shut out again. Kermit had fired both barrels then and told her that she was the one who didn't understand. He was finished. To his shame, he remembered her flinching when he had jumped out of his chair to yell it into her face.

YOU IDIOT! he screamed inside his head. What have you done? Somebody else's life you can screw up.

"Caine," he began, "I can't be anyone's father."

"You deny that the child is yours?"

"No. If she says it's mine, then it is. I just mean...well...someone like me can't be someone's father," he said, fighting to sort through all the turmoil.

"Whether or not you feel worthy to father this child is irrelevant now. The child exists. To deny the truth will only bring harm to all three of you.

"The guilt and fear that you feel over the choices you have made prevents you from following the path your heart wishes to take." Caine finished and sat patiently waiting for Kermit's reaction. All the while, his thoughts returned to those years he had lost with his own child. This made his resolve to help these three trouble lives even stronger. If this man denied himself the chance to love his child, the emptiness Kermit would eventually feel would be unbearable.

"How is she?"

"Her suffering is as great as yours." Caine watched as Kermit's fist tightened. "The strain could take a physical toll as well. You must go to her."

"I don't understand, Caine. Why didn't she come to me?" He knew the answer himself. Why should she come to him after what he did to her?

"She feels that she has hurt you by keeping the secret this long. She fears that she will be forcing herself on you."

Caine gave Kermit a moment to absorb what had just been rained down on him.
"Savannah is living in the home she rented before her departure. You know that both of you are welcome in my home should you need my help."

Caine left Kermit still staring into the void of his computer screen.

******

Kermit stopped the Corvair a few houses down from the little blue house he had become so familiar with months ago. Savannah had just pulled into her driveway and was getting out of the car. He sat there watching her. Drinking in the sight of her. He had thought he'd never see her again and now here she was right in front of him.

She was beautiful. Dressed in a purple jogging suit with her hair falling down her back. And she was definitely pregnant Kermit watched her walk to her front porch and check her mailbox. Savannah slipped in her hand and pulled out a couple of letters. Holding them out in front of her, she stood there staring at the two envelopes. Then, she reached down and rubbed her stomach, still holding the letters in her other hand. To Kermit, it seemed like a gesture filled with sadness. He wondered how unopened envelopes could bring on such a reaction.

Still looking down, she walked around to the backdoor and went inside. Kermit eased his car in behind her Honda and approached the backdoor. Once there, he hesitated. What would he say? After a moment, he took a deep breath and knocked.

"Come on in, Miss Merry," she called. "The door's open."

Kermit opened the door and walked into Savannah's kitchen. He could see her lying on the couch with her eyes closed. She looked so tired and frail. The pregnancy only made the rest of her look smaller.

"I'm afraid I'm not very good company today," she said, not knowing the true identity of her guest.

Kermit looked down and saw the two letters she had dropped onto the table. They were addressed to her parents in Memphis. Across the address on each one, someone had marked a large red "X" and written in big bold letters "RETURN TO SENDER". The message was handwritten, not stamped by the post office.

Suddenly, he understood. Savannah had told him before how image conscious her parents felt. Completely unlike their daughter. They had turned on her. Thrown her out. How could they do that to her, he thought. The anger rose in his throat. Then he had another thought. He had done the same thing. Maybe he had the illusion of a noble reason, but he wasn't much better.

He didn't want to startle her but there seemed no way around it. Kermit walked into her living room and sat down on the coffee table beside her.
"Scarlett, you really shouldn't leave that door open."

Her eyes popped open and she gasped in surprise. For a moment, they both sat motionless. Not knowing what to do or say.

Savannah couldn't believe he was actually here. Within and arms length of her. All those months of trying to be strong and keeping things together gave way to the sight of this man. She folded into his arms and held on for dear life.

Kermit wrapped his arms around her and buried his face in her hair. He felt her releasing all of her pain and sorrow. Even as the sound of her crying squeezed his heart, the feel of her in his arms rejuvenated him. Her touch and smell went right through him. To the place where he kept his better side. The place only she knew how to find.

In a small, shaky voice she said, "I didn't know if you'd come."

He ran his hand slowly up and down her back. "I know. I'm sorry."

After a few moments, she pulled back, wiping her eyes. "I must look like a mess."
Kermit reached up and smoothed her hair back from her face. "Never." He took her hands in his, and asked, "Are you okay?"

"Better, now."

They both turned as the backdoor opened. "Savannah, I just wanted to check on you and see if you..." The woman stopped when she saw Kermit stand up and gave him a serious look.

"Kermit," Savannah said, trying to regain her composure, "this is my neighbor, Merry Troupe. She's sort of adopted me. This lovely lady seems to think I don't eat enough." Savannah let go a tiny laugh and smiled at her new visitor. "Miss Merry, this is my…ah... Kermit Griffin."

Before Kermit could say a word, Merry stalked over to stand right in his face. Evidently, Merry had taken a very protective attitude over her young neighbor and wasn't the least intimidated by this man in black with the dark glasses. "Well, Mr. Griffin, I don't know who you are, but this child definitely needs someone to watch out for her. Do you know what I caught her doing yesterday morning? Standing on a ladder, painting in the nursery. Can you imagine.?"

"Yes, ma'am. I can." He filed the information away to complain about later.

"Miss Merry, Kermit was just about to take my walk with me. Weren't you, Kermit?" Savannah stood up and slipped her arm through his.

"Alright. I suppose I'll be going now, if you're sure you're ok," Merry offered, communicating her distrust of Savannah's guest. "Just remember," she added, staring right at Kermit, "I'm right nextdoor and I have excellent hearing." With that warning given, she left.

"And she has binoculars, too, I'll bet," said Kermit, glad to be out from under the microscope.

"Miss Merry has been really sweet. She checks on me everyday. But I'm afraid if looks could kill, you'd be pushin' up daisies, detective."

Kermit was glad that at least there had been one person who was available for her. It was also good to hear her tease him again. "What about this walk you're supposed to take?"

"Yeah, amazin', I know," Savannah rolled her eyes. Kermit knew her philosophy of never walking when she could ride. "Everyday I force myself to walk to that little park down the street. Maybe we can walk and talk at the same time."

They walked in awkward silence for a while. Neither one of them wanting to wade into the painful past. Finally, Kermit began. "When did you find out?"

"At the hospital." Savannah was glad he'd opened the door.

"Why didn't you tell me then?"

"Because I didn't want what had happened... to touch it. The doctor wasn't even sure that the pregnancy would last after a trauma like that. I didn't want to get you all excited and then disappoint you. So I waited." She stopped talking and waited for his response.

Kermit shook his head. It was just like her. Find out she's pregnant and worry more about him and his feelings than her own. "I'm sorry I hurt you. All I was trying to do was protect you. I've had a dangerous life and if you had died because of me, I don't think I..."

Savannah turned to face him and yelled, "I'm not stupid, ya 'know! I know you inside and out, Kermit Griffin, and I knew exactly what you were doing, you jerk!"

Her outburst shocked him into silence. Savannah's face was turning red and she was shooting arrows right into him with those green eyes. "Those things you said didn't hurt nearly as much as that fact that you were *able* to make yourself say 'em." Her voice was getting louder and louder. "You let your fear and guilt be bigger than everything we'd built together! Bigger than what we felt! How could you do it?!"

Kermit tried to calm her down. "Scarlet, I don't think it's a good idea to get so upset."
That just made it worse. She got right in his face and said, "I'm not upset. That implies that I'm some irrational, hysterical female. I'm not upset one little bit, Kermit. I'm mad. Mad as hell at you. There's a big difference!"

She was beginning to tremble. Her hands were balled into fists and he thought that she might actually hit him. From the look in her eyes, Kermit could tell she was considering it. Savannah rained anger and pent up frustration down on Kermit in the middle of the park. He touched her arm, and said, "Come sit down. You can yell at me some more over there."

Savannah slapped his hand away and continued her tirade. "Stop tellin' me what to do! That's another problem you have, Griffin. Evidently ,since you're so omnipotent that every bad thing that's ever happened beginning with and including the Hendinburg has been your fault, you're the only one who can decide what to do about anything.

"You felt guilty about what Ericson tried to do to us. You conveniently forgot that he was the animal who decided to kidnap us and try to kill us all on his own. NOT YOUR IDEA! But you still decided that you and only you were responsible and you and only you should decide what the consequences would be. Don't I get a vote? Don't I get to decide where I want to be and who I want to be with?"

During her outburst, Kermit had been gently guiding her to a bench. Her anger spent, Savannah sank down to rest and he joined her. She was still breathing heavily and he took her hand to stop it from shaking. This time, she didn't push him away.

"When you decide to show you temper, you really let her rip, don't you? Feel better?"

"Actually, I do," she replied, taking a deep breath. "Didn't realize how mad I was. A big hissy fit can really be liberating, can't it?"

"I really am sorry you were hurt."

"I know. If you didn't love me, it wouldn't had crossed that screwed up mind of yours to do what you did." Savannah pulled his hand up to her face and held it there for a while.

"I'm sorry for what I did, too."

"You, dear lady, have nothing to be sorry for," Kermit assured her and turned her face toward his.

"Yes I do. I kept this from you all these months out of anger. I know that now. I had no right to do that to you. That's the guilt I've been living with. The hurt you inflicted was to protect me. Mine was just done out of spite." A tear rolled down her cheek and he caught it.

"I wouldn't let you tell me."

"That's funny," she answered with a laugh. "Have you ever known anyone to stop me from talkin' when I have something to say?" That made Kermit smile.

"Kermit, I don't want anything from you that you don't feel strong enough to give." Savannah touched his lips with her finger to stop his reply. "I want you to go home and think about what you want. Not about your past. Not about any disaster that might happen. But just about what you want right now. Don't worry about me. Whatever you decide, the baby and I will be just fine."

"Let's get you back home." Kermit walked her back home and left so she could rest.
He'd hugged her good-bye at the backdoor and for a brief few seconds, Savannah's blonde head had taken refuge on his chest. All the way home to his cold and empty house, he could smell her hair. Memories of that light floral scent had haunted him for months. Now, she was no longer a ghost but a flesh and blood woman who had tossed the game ball back into his court. No demands or ultimatums. Only an offer.

Kermit knew she would never trap him. Shaking his head at his own immaturity, he knew he'd been reckless many times when they'd been together. Part temporary insanity brought on by the heat of passion and part subconsciously throwing caution to the wind. After all, they had been in love. He was about to propose to her and wanted to build a family with her.

No, Savannah would never have attempted to hold him this way. Even though she had every right to shove a laundry list of demands in his face, she didn't. One of the few people who didn't want something from him. Gripping the steering wheel, he thought back to another time when she needed but wouldn't ask.......

***************************

Kermit pushed open the door to Savannah's home and the pair limped inside with as much grace as they could muster. Ericson's blade had left Kermit with a weakened leg and a useless arm. Both should be back to normal in a couple of weeks. The head injury suffered by his delicate partner, still left her slightly off balance and struggling with a great deal of pain.

The hospital had released the ex-mercenary after twenty-four hours, only to have him take up residence in Savannah's room. She was discharged after three days and they were now home together. Kermit could read her still fragile sensibilities even around their friends. Flinching at casual touches and startling for no reason. In order to shield her, Kermit made the ultimate sacrifice and allowed Peter Caine to drive the Kermitmobile to the hospital. Camouflaging the intense pain operating the clutch inflicted, he drove them away from the hospital to the privacy of Savannah's small house in the suburbs.

Closing the door behind them, Kermit kept a close eye on his lady as she walked nervously around the room. Dropping her purse on the table and then walking slowly to the kitchen for water to drown her wilted plants. "It only takes a few days to completely destroy these little things," she muttered to herself.

Taking the pitcher of water from her hand, Kermit whispered, "You're supposed to rest." Holding her face in his hands, he caught a glimpse of something secretive in her eyes. Something withheld. The evidence of Ericson's attack on Savannah left a painful roadmap over her body for his viewing. Deep blue and purple bruises across her left cheek traveled upward the encircle her eye. Another dark patch painted over the corner of her mouth. The vicious signature of the killer's handprint was still visible on her throat and scratches over the white skin of her chest a harsh reminder of they way he'd torn her clothes and attempted to tear her body to shreads. Marks that couldn't be kissed and made better. Only time would fade the scars. Hers and his.

"Why don't you let me call you parents?"

"No!" The command was issued with a gasp of desperation. Over the past three days Kermit had offered time and time again to contact her family only to meet with increasing obstinance. Softening her tone, Savannah looked at him with pleading eyes and said, "Please don't. I can't deal with them right now. I just can't."

Still concerned at her need to hide the trauma of her attack, he was immediately sorry for causing her more pain. More pain on top of the horror he'd all ready rained down on her beautiful blonde head. Slowly approaching her, Kermit slipped her hand into his and held it lightly in apology.

"Sorry. I won't bring it up again. Actually, I should go home so you can sleep." He kissed her forehead and turned to leave.

"Wait..." she gasped, then clamped her mouth shut on the words. As he turned, Savannah dug her hands around his body and rested her head on his chest. "You promise to rest, too. Okay?"

The words were of farewell, but the embrace was a clinging expression of need. Her arms trembled slightly and Kermit could feel the breath catch in her throat in vibrating knots.

*She'll never ask,* he thought as he read the fear in her trembling hold.
"Scarlett, on second thought, my leg is throbbing and I think that trip took more out of me than I thought." He slowly ran a hand up an down her back and continued, "Would it be okay if I stayed here with you?"

The head never moved from his chest but mearly nodded in a relieved shake against his shirt as she murmured, "Uh huh," and sighed her comfort.

"Good. Thanks." Pulling her back, Kermit began walking them both toward the bedroom.

"Here's the plan. We'll take a couple of those great pain pills from the good doctor and crash for a while. When we wake up, we'll order...."

"Pizza?" Savannah was smiling and trying to fight back tears of exhaustion and fear.

"You got it, sweetcakes. Pizza it is." With that, they disappeared into the softness of her bedroom to rest and recuperate for the afternoon.

After pretending to take his medication, Kermit accepted Savannah's tired body into his arms. At first, the peaceful silence lay around them like a shield. Lightly, the whimpers began to slip from her throat into his chest. Gradually growing in volume as her sobbing gathered strength. It was the first time she'd let go, as if Savannah had been storing days worth of pain to be released in the sanctuary of his embrace.

"It's all right, Scarlett. Let it go. You're safe here with me," he crooned into the tangle of curls beneath his chin. Little by little, under the soft stroking of his hand over her back, the sobbing ebbed into sleep and rest. Rest for one of them but not for Kermit Griffin.

*******************************

Just like all those months ago, Kermit Griffin knew that this lady wouldn't ask for anything from him. She would only take was he offered.

Now, all that remained to be seen was what would he be able to offer her. What could he, in good conscience, give her? And, finally, did he have anything to offer that was worthy?

Another player had been drawn into this game. Almost without conscious thought, the troubled man drove in search of clarity. And, in search of the one man who could provide it.

Kermit had only been to Caine's home on a few occasions. In an odd way, they had similar tastes. Neither one of them cluttered their lives with unnecessary objects. With the exception of adding a computer, Kermit could feel right at home here. Kermit found Caine out on the balcony.

Without looking up from the plant he was tending, Caine asked, "Have you seen her?"
"Yes," Kermit replied.

"But you can not decide what to do?"

"How can I be with them, Caine? I've got blood all over my hands. It seems to be life's revenge that everything I touch ends up stained with it, too." Kermit looked down at those hands.

"Because of the lives you have taken and the darkness you have associated yourself with, you feel that you do not deserve to be with those you love."

"Well, Caine. You know what they say, an eye for an eye." Kermit stood looking out over the edge of the balcony. Feeling the universe exacting it's revenge on him.

"So to live without your child, without the woman you love is your penance?"

"Maybe. I know that they don't deserve what my past could do to them." Kermit was faced with a no win scenario. Without him, Savannah and the baby would suffer. With him, they were at risk.

Caine moved to stand beside him. "Must an eye for an eye mean death for death or loss for loss?"

"What?"

"Can it not mean a life for a life?"

"You've lost me this time, Caine." Kermit had trouble following Caine on his best days.

"Perhaps this child is your gift, so to speak, to the world for the lives you've taken. This golden life force waiting to be born could be your atonement for the past. You're opportunity to mend the jagged tears left from the violence."

Caine touched Kermit's arm. He rarely let anyone get away with that. But, tonight, he did. He was fighting to believe what Caine was saying to him.

"Kermit, the direction you take must be your choice. Do not allow fear and guilt to keep you from the light. You have been part of many battles in the course of your life. Is this not worth fighting for?"

Kermit had to think. Thinking had always been something he did alone so he excused himself and walked down to his car with Caine's words echoing in his head.

Part 1   Part 2   Part 3   Part 4   Part 5   

Back to serie's index      Back to Story index